Sunday, December 18, 2011

Wishing for success.....

You know that feeling where you work and work and work so hard to try and make something click but no matter what you try you still feel like nothings coming to you? Well that's where I am right now. This is all in reference to callbacks. I've tried multiple times to try and sing the songs I've been given and they just won't click. And then I turn to try and even sound like the character would sound in dialogue and nothing is coming. So right now I feel hopeless. Like there is no chance unless I magically find it all tomorrow morning.

The worst part of this entire scenario is that there is one character that I have that emotional connection through both his song and his dialogue. I'm constantly making discoveries about him and how he feels. But it's too late. That chance to portray that character was taken away. Now I just need to learn to get over it.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Saturday, November 19, 2011

My friends

My friends are the greatest people I know. The thing is though, they are all my family to me. Like saying goodbye to them is like saying goodbye to my super close family members. And that is very disheartening. After realizing all the points above I finally figured out the reason for my rather lacking mood. I haven't had my full family around since this play has started so maybe I've subconsciously been feeling quite alone and unloved. I don't know, all I know is that tonight was probably the the greatest run I've had, and what do ya know, my whole family was there. They pretty much keep me alive and going. I don't know what I'd do without them. I love them all so much (;

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I can't make any decisions right now blog. I know I like that one someone, but then there is also that other person who I've liked for SOOO long and thats going/gone nowhere....... In both cases said person wont reciprocate the feelings. And I know there are girls out there that like me but I just don't feel like I wanna go there with them. Is that rude of me blog? To deny that relationship from someone because I can't move past my feelings for these two other people?
Sigh, blog, it seems that in the case of love I will always be a hopeless man wanting for what he can't get to.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

"The part that hurts the most is I feel I'm not interesting enough to keep the persons attention......."

The High School Life

Guys, sometimes I can be such a jerk person. And at the moment I am a jerk I don't even think about what I am doing. But then about a day and a half later I begin to catch on. Blegh sometimes I suck. I feel like some people are rubbing off on me that shouldn't be..... /:

And guys, I have senioritis. Already. I hate it. This year is going soooo slow!! I'm ready to be graduated and actually start moving somewhere in my life. Cause right now, I'm stuck in the same place.

Plus I'm gonna be honest here. I don't care to live where I do anymore. I'm tired of being yelled at for the stupidest things in the world and I'm just ready to move forward with my life.

On a lighter note, I did finally get a job. I'm gonna tell you where it is but don't laugh. Actually go ahead cause everybody does. Its the McDonalds across the street from Lehi High School.

Um I still like who I've liked. I don't know if that'll ever change. I need to have my for real first kiss already.

*Sigh* I need to move out

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Word Vomit

The previous post has been removed. To sum it up there was Anger and sadness. Oh but this line can be reposted "I'm so tired of being one upped in every part of my life." Basically I'm tired of having mediocre talents and being invisible. That is all.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I Am Not A Poet :)

I miss the way you smile
I miss the way you breathe
I miss the way your body moved when standing next to me

I miss the way you laugh 
I miss the way you dance
I miss the way you led me along, giving me a chance 

I miss the way you explain 
I miss the way you teach
I miss the days we'd spent together lying on the beach

I miss the way you hug
I miss the way you walk
I miss the times we had to be alone and talk

I miss all those times we were together
You and I, two birds of a feather

Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Revelation of Some Sort :)

Today I realized why things had not been going so great out here in the forested land of Pennsylvania. Well why they weren't going so well up until very recently. This realization was I had become, in almost every way, addicted to my friends. Is that a weird thing? It's not exactly that I was addicted to them(even though I love them all to death), but more addicted to always having someone right there with me to do something fun with. Or even just to hang out with and talk to. But out here it's all very different. It isn't necessarily a bad different, it just isn't the kind of place for me :) Now I just need some ideas of things to keep myself busy until I return to Utah. Hmmmm......?

Monday, July 4, 2011

Unsettling News

Today was a very unusual day for me, and it didn't start out that way. No, it mostly happened when I was told this very thing that happens to scare me nearly to death. And it's not because I don't think I can do it..... Well that's a lie. I have nearly no way to be able to pull it off. Like nearly zero. You wanna know what it is? I was told that when I returned to Utah I would need to take care of myself. Which means growing up. Which means getting a job. Which means paying for my car and insurance and possibly even somewhere new to stay (if I can't handle my other place). These aren't all assumptions either because these were thugs I was told. And all this is mind blowing. Oh, and exceptionally frustrating. Along with this new thing who knows if I'll be able to keep all my elective classes. I'm very unsettled about all this right about now. The funny thing though is that I almost nearly saw this all coming. Now I just need to figure out what to do. Hhhhmmmmm.......?

Thursday, June 30, 2011

A passage. From a story. Inside my head.

"Dear You,
I miss you. I miss you a whole lot actually. Do you miss me?..... That's ok you don't have to answer. I sure hope you do though. It would make being here more bearable. To know the thought of me is taking space in your head would surely brighten my day. Anyways.... I hope to hear from you soon. I miss you.....
Love Always,

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Just a thought....

I wrote you a long letter and you never replied, and I knew when I had left it'd be our very last goodbye. I love you so much but I don't know what to say. Sadly I go through the heartache each day. And now I know, that with you, I wish I'd stayed. We'd been closer than ever that very night before I left, and now I know your touch is what I'll never forget.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Where Am I?

Haha the title basically explains how I feel right now. Tomorrow morning I'll probably wake up having no idea where I am haha. But here's how today went down.
My mom woke me up this morning from an amazing dream (that I'm not going to explain) to remind me of my flight. I got up and put all my stuff together whilst feeling rather sad because I was leaving the Griffeths house. Haha I love Kyle and his family so much. But anyways I said my goodbyes and off I went to the airport. I then thanked Kyle's father for everything and left to get myself onto the plane. It's a frightening yet mildly interesting thingto take care of yourself at an airport for the first time. Makes ya feel real old and whatnot. Anyways I got all that taken care of and made my way onto my plane. Then came the long plane ride where I slept and listened to plenty of music. Oh and of course had one of those delicious bags of peanuts. Can't fly on a plane without one eating one of them. But the plane ride went by fast and soon I find out that I'm all the way across the country. My family quickly found me and we all left. The car ride home was long and interesting. When I got home there was an AMAZING sunset and the twilight after words was beautiful. Then to top it all off, tons and tons of lightening bugs came out of nowhere. I had totally forgotten about them. It was a night full of beauty in nature. But despite all this amazing stuff I still feel a bit of homesickness. Summer will pass quickly though and I'll soon be back with my friends :D

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Thursday, April 21, 2011

You know those days where everything seems so difficult and no matter how hard you try you can't convince yourself that things will get better? Yeah I think I ran smack dab into one of them. I don't even feel like I'll be able to finish high school. Like right now i cant even be excited about possibly being in Encore because I don't have 3.0 And I can't even begin to try and interperet my emotions right now. It's so different from what most people go through or at least it feels that way. I could probably use another holiday in the sun with my friends again. /:

Sunday, April 17, 2011


I never thought I could be more in love with a group of people and a place so much. But now I'm home and missing all that terribly. This entire trip was pretty much the greatest thing I have done in the entire time I have gone to Lehi high school. I had the highest of highs there and now..... well I really think I shouldn't have come back home. I know that might sound terrible but while I was in California there was just this continuos euphoria in the air. There was friendships I don't think I'll ever give up, and all around comaraderie. I am confused on a few things but that's my own fault. I honestly love everyone I got to know whilst on tour and hope I can continue to get to know you back here in Lehi.
P. S. The beach was all I could have hoped for and more. I would do it all again just to feel how amazing it was :)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Sometimes the happiest events of our life are preceded by sadness. Don't ask me why because I don't know. Maybe it is just to make the good times even better. Who knows? :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Monday, April 4, 2011

Godspeed Titanic

At times I feel within arms reach of you but then when I turn around you seem to have changed your idea on whether or not we should really be honest to goodness friends; or if we could be more than just friends. I'll just have to wait and see where things go I guess.

But in other news Titanic is such a hit. I love everything about it. The excitement, the sadness, and the drama!! Ahh and what will I do without you Titanic play..... I'd rather not think about it. One person explained to me that during the play we all come together and everyone is friends but once it's over friendships crumble quickly. I hope this isn't the case because when I make friendships I try to make them REAL. Anyways I feel like I'm blubbering so I think it's about time for a new topic.

Well opening night we had a standing ovation!! And we could just feel it through everyone. There was such a buzz of happiness. Ugh I loved it!! Everyone is really letting there character pull through them and its awesome.

Tour is in a week though soooo there is that to look forward to as well!!!! Ahh some days I just feel like I'm living the good life. If only I could figure out the first object mentioned. Haha but I do hope the remainder of the week continues this way :)

Sunday, March 20, 2011


I could spend my days wishing
But into the wind they'd blow
In my head I'd know they won't come true
But with such tough times what else is there to do
To spend a day wishing can take you above the world
It can take your mind to a new level and make your imagination whirl
But on others days, days like today, the wishes you make can tear you down
They can remind you of your weaknesses and things that make your heart frown
They can take your emotions and twist it till there's nothing but pain
And you'd beg and pray that through this you could be far from insane
For that reason I'd like to stop wishing or imagining the impossible
Because sometimes in life all that you want seems to not ever be possible.

Friday, March 11, 2011


Sometimes you need to take a few deep breaths and let it all go because trying to hold on too tight will do nothing but make you miserable.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Soda: The Exercise Killer

Alright it has come down to nearly a month till tour and I looked down at my stomach only to see a gut the size of a pregnant woman! Well maybe not quite that big but still it's no six pack aaannnd now that tour is literally around the corner I've realized that it's time to actually start working out again. Haha so after realizing this tonight I decided it'd probably be a good idea to actually not sit around on my behind.
Looking back at tonight I'm thinking that eating pizza and drinking like a bazillion cups of soda that it's probably not going to do anything to help me get what I'm working towards. Oh and soda after a workout helps to um.....rehydrate you right? Bwahaha I'm an idiot. Oh someday I believe soda will turn me into a giant carbonation and sugar filled whale. Just sayin.
On a much different note, I noticed throughout the day that I have recently developed a perv-stash. You all know what I'm talking about right? When there's just enough facial hair on your upper lip to create a shadow and all the creepers have one their proud of? Yep those. As soon as I realized that it had tried to take over my face I grabbed my razor and it was gone. Thank Moses for razors because without them well......lets not think about that.
So this morning best friend informs me that I was snoring like a foghorn last night. This made me laugh like a crazy person because I never snore. Well that's only partially true. I guess I snore when I'm sick. I realized that what he said was true when I felt like my throat had burnt to ash.
Oh and P.S. Times like these make me wish I still had my game it so I could play a nice game of Pokemon!!! Ya gotta love the classics :D

Monday, March 7, 2011

For the Love of Tech.

Oh my there is pretty much no way to describe how great this last week and today have been. And I predicted that today may have been a dreadful day because of only getting two hours of sleep. (Curse Physics and their ridiculous bridge projects) Well I guessed wrong because today was pretty much the greatest! Haa oh how I love everything to do with Titanic. I love the acting and the singing aaaand the building, even if it does take me eight hours to build one lousy radio desk :) Mmmm anyways I don't think I could have had anymore fun this week if I had given myself a million bucks. First there was the choir concert where we sang better than ever. Then the next day we had solo ensemble and even though the group I was in was missing like three basses we pulled it off and got a II. We won't be moving on to state but I'm not disappointed. When we got back from Mountain View, and listening to some amazing solo performances (Mckelle Shaw, Maddie Wheadon, Sarah Torgerson etc....) we strolled on over to Chili's and pretty much took the place over. Yep it was a special group of only the coolest people in choir classes. You don't have to tell us cause we already know it. Then there was Saturday rehearsal followed by tech and we end up right back here. Altogether this has been the greatest time with some of the greatest people. Oh and I forgot to mention another great adventure from this week. After the concert a group of people went to Ihop. Wooo!!! Haha oh another great night filled with memories. After we all hung out there we went to leave and had to wait while my sister paid for her stuff. While we waited Kyle Griffeth pulled out his Ukelele and we all sang in the entrance. Agh I love my life right now :D

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Dragons Movies and Crazy Ladies

To those of you who have never seen Reign Of Fire, you are severly deprived from one of the greatest dragon movies of all time. It's kind of old but you should definitely check it out. Also while watching this movie you should consider eating something great liiiike waffles, brownies or a nice juicy steak.
Haha oh what a weekend it's been. I've gone from Spanish Fork to Lehi then up to South Jordan. Then because I forgot to grab some of my stuff at my moms house, I had to have Chandler drive me back up. The worst part of the whole thing though had to be asking his mom to let me and Chandler drive up there. I even told her I'd pay for gas and she still felt like she had to think about it. Ugh such a crazy lady she is! Hahaha

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Beginning

Dear People of the Internet,
The title of this post is not really true, just so ya know. I actually began doing this a couple weeks ago but not on here because as Courtney Huffman noted I fail at setting things like this up haha. But below I'll put the four I've written on my Ipod. Try to enjoy >:D

1. Alright so the first one was titled "Internet Free Blog" because I had not planned to post this online buuuuut a few friends convinced me to do otherwise.

Internet Free Blog Feb. 16
Dear Everyone,
After watching all the greatest and most successful people make these darned blogs I have decided that it is indeed my duty to create one of my own. As of right now there is no power/electricity. Time to break out the candles baby! Haha I'm not gonna lie it's one of my most favorite things in the world. It is especially great because there is nearly no noise at all except for the wind rolling along the house making it sound like the whole thing might collapse haha. Right now I am just laying here on the couch contemplating the complexities that surround the topics that seem to be continually circling around my head like mini satellites. What might these be you ask? Well they are in fact the topic of love, crushes, and let us not forget, the emotion of feeling inferior compared to most everyone else. Now where to start is what I cannot decide on. Of course all these things interweave with each other creating a wonderful, yet terrible, circle of despair, triumph, and ultimate wonder. To try to answer one question brought about by my curious mind would only create many more in other areas expressed earlier. But for the sake of this great new project I will try :)
Ok ummm lets begin by looking at the topic of love. I like to, of course, think I know a thing or two about this emotion but I notice the more I try to take my own advice I give to others, it only backfires which in turn makes me feel more awkward than I already am. Ugh and then I look back of course and realize that I failed at that moment. Haha oh its great being able to critique yourself.
Anyways that brings me to my next topic. Crushes. Bwahaha I've had plenty of these. They seem to be the biggest heartache of the little sophomores but of course I'd never expect myself to feel like I have. Over a girl no less. Oh my this topic has too much for tonight though.
Moving onnnn.....
Let's see next is.... Ah it is that great old feeling of being nowhere near as good as another peer. It's just looking at them and seeing all the talent they possess and how they can just display it without obvious signs of.... whats the word....self consciousness? Haha oh this is quickly becoming the least cheerful blog ever. Um all I can say is that feeling is the worst. This feeling includes thinking you cannot compare or even work up to their level of skill and talent. Because of this there is an increase of being nervous and the whole nine yards.
But you know what is the greatest thing ever? Having super great friends like COURTNEY HUFFMAN :D (Shout out!)You all know who I'm talking about. Those people who you don't constantly over think on what you're going to say or even how to stand. You may think that's funny but it's true.
So I think this will be the end of this fantastic depressing beginning. Hope you enjoy hahaha >:D

P.S. Girls are definitely going to drive me crazier than I already am ;)

2. Alright so I don't exactly what my reason was for writing this next one.

Blagh Feb. 19
So today was an up and down, back and forth kind of day. It was bad, then went over to good, then back to bad (lingering there for awhile) floating back to good, then bordering embarrassment and laugh worthy and finally ending here. At bad. :P One friend explained to me that another friend explains that they are basically the better half and gets all the women (thanks man). (Now I never found out if this was true because I realized it didn't really matter) My workout felt like nothing was changing, and I only logged five hours of work. Either way, I think we can rename this day to The Totally Bipolar Day of the Week! :) I'm sure there will be more to come in the following weeks.

P.S. I have realized that after seeing and observing The Diary of Anne Frank, that I resemble Pehter in quite a few of his awkward ways of speaking, acting when around someone I am working to impress or someone i like. It's great.

3.This was obviously written after a long day and is probably quite dry....

Thirteen Hours of Work Feb. 20
I could honestly call this day one of the longest days I've had in a looong time. But it wasn't all that bad. With being able to think to myself for hours on end, i had the chance to think on a few things. And while spending forever long folding socks and watching T.V. i heard something I thought would be noteworthy. This lady said "If the impossible is achievable then I've really got to keep my fingers crossed for the impossible to come true for me." Mmmm wait after re-reading that I realize I must have changed it around somewhat in my head to fit a couple of situations I could think of. But hey, isn't that what everyone does when they hear something that makes them think? Either way, just like this random woman, from some show I happened to be watching, I've got to keep my fingers crossed and hope that the impossible may in fact have a way of happening.
If you thought in the previous paragraph I was referring to girls well, that was a good guess but I'm sorry to inform you that you are wrong. Ha no it had a whole lot to do with something completely different.
But anyways other things that came to my mind today..... Um I remembered how awesome lava lamps were and still are. Also I figured out I have only eight to ten hours of work left till I am finished paying for tour (Praise the Lord!!!) Um I don't really have anything to be complaining about. Oh Happy DAY :D

4. If your not feeling like reading any others the at least read this one. Oh and don't close your eyes or else you wont be able to read the story. You'll know what I mean when you get there.

Ugly Cats and The Twilight Princess Feb 21
You know, I've never really understood the apparent fetish some people have with shaving all the fur off their animals. It has to be one of the most terrifying things I've ever seen. Just imaging this for me (make sure to close your eyes).
Alright just imagine that you are all cuddled up warm in your bed asleep. Outside a relentless storm flashes light all around you in sudden bursts. Out of nowhere you begin to hear this deranged animal noise that awakens you. You wonder what it is, so you quickly climb out of bed and flip on the light. All is well while the lights are on right? Well as you walk closer and closer to the noise the lights begin to flicker and suddenly they burst all over you in a shower of sparks!!! Lucky for you, you wore your jeans to bed and your keychain is inside holding the teeny tiny light you bought for eight bucks at the gas station next to Disneyland. Anyways you continue on and the noise gets louder and louder until, out of nowhere the noise stops.... You slowly turn the corner to the kitchen and see the most hideous red and yellow eyes you've ever seen. The eyes turn to you and slowly they draw closer and closer to your frozen form. When the hideous beast is a few away you scream and drop your keychain holding the only light you had. There's no way of knowing what this monstrous thing is until all of the sudden the lights flicker back on. There you see the most hideous and gruesome thing you've ever seen! A hairless cat zombie that resembles a giant ugly mole rat! You faint because of the shock and horror and never come to know what happens to you. The End :D
Haha alright that may have been a little dramatic but honestly they are probably one of the most unattractive things I've seen in my lifetime.
Anyways.... after waking up excruciatingly early this morning to finish working for tour money, I decided to play the greatest game that has ever been invented. Can you guess what it is........... ZELDA!!!! Oh yes I was indeed playing Zelda: The Twilight Princess. It was great until I realized I had to leave Link to fight on his own while I had to go to the dentist :( No cavities. But no more Zelda or helping Link till I return to my dads house.

Haha I know I'm a nerd.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

That's enough

This is Austins best friend who designed this blog. It wasn't that hard. But he was taking too long To make it so yeah. Anyway. He doesn't know how to log in. haha fail. :)